I really didn’t want to write this post because I’m a little sick of reading posts about thanksgiving. I mean, don’t get me wrong, there’s a lot of great stuff out there and it is really beneficial to read. But I have to admit, every time I see a post with the title “Thanksgiving” in it, I kind of just skim through it.
It’s not that I’m not thankful. I’m just tired of feeling guilted into being thankful. You know? I feel like, “gosh, I’m never going to be able to thankful enough.” When everyone keeps telling me to be thankful it makes me question whether or not I really am thankful; and if I am, is it enough? Do I measure up?
And yet, I needed to say something about gratitude. So here we are. Feel free to skip this post if you are sick of Thanksgiving musings from un-profound stay-at-home-mamas. I don’t have a lot new to add. But it is from my heart.
So, I’ve been a bit of a toddler lately. Perhaps Parker’s behavior is rubbing off on me. Regardless, every time I don’t get what I want, I break down crying and questioning God’s plan for my life. Over simple things. Ridiculous things. You wouldn’t want to be friends with me if you knew how little it took to make me feel like my life is falling apart. Like going around to get Parker out of his side of the car only to realize that I forgot to unlock the car and have to go back to the driver’s side, hit unlock, and then go back around.
Yeah, it’s silly stuff like that that ruins my day. So you can imagine what it’s like when something bigger happens. Like I start throwing up after a night where Parker was up most of the night, when I’m taking care of him by myself because my husband is out of town, and we might have to reschedule special weekend plans for the second time in two weeks, because the previous week Parker threw up 7 times in one night, which happened the same day I found out I had gestational diabetes and had to start a whole new diet plan and check my blood sugar four times a day.
Yeah, it isn’t pretty what happens then. I’m basically a big puddle of goo, blubbering on and on about how I don’t understand why God won’t give me rest when he promises it in his Word and I believe he can do whatever he wants to do. And yet he doesn’t seem to care. I wouldn’t want to imagine how I’d respond if something really serious happened. I think a knock-down-drag-out-toddler-tantrum is about what you’d see. Ugly.
So, as I was pitying myself and my lack of sleep and health and rest and the “easy” life, it hit me. I have EVERYTHING I need. Because you know what? I only need Jesus. I want a bunch of other stuff, but I only need Jesus.
That shut me up. And I haven’t really been able to shake that thought since then. Anytime something even remotely crummy happens, I think — “but I have Jesus. I know him. He calls me his child. He provides peace in the midst of feeling like I can never find peace. I only need Jesus. And he promises never to leave or change.” You see, when he tells me “no” he also says, “I am all you need.” And that’s pretty amazing. Pretty darn amazing indeed.
So that’s what I am thankful for today. How about you?