Honesty Time

• By Monica
• 5 March, 2013
• 6 Comments

So it’s taken me awhile to get back into the blogging swing of things for a few reasons. Not that I think you all sit around, pining for a new post from me, but I do feel like I owe you an explanation. For one thing, it was just really nice to be on vacation and to not think about domestic things. I’m still on a bit of a vacation in my mind and getting back into the old groove just hasn’t happened yet.

For another thing, I’ve changed the way that I do social media. I realized after a week of no social media that I needed to make a change. For one thing, I deleted a lot of the social media applications that I normally rely on off of my iPhone. That means that things are less accessible to me during the day. Which is exactly what I needed. I realized that I was being negatively affected by the majority of the things that I would see on my Facebook feed. Maybe some people don’t have this problem, but I do. So it was time to severely cut my availability to it. Now I only log on to facebook, twitter, or my blog on the computer. And since I never have time to sit at the computer, it just doesn’t happen much.

But the main reason? Well, it’s a little harder to confess. I’ve felt like a bit of a hypocrite having a blog called “deliberately domestic” where I extol the virtues of being home with my kids, expound upon each moment of homemaking bliss, and constantly challenge myself to do and be more at home. Why? Well, I’m in a season where I don’t particularly like being home. Don’t get me wrong. I LOVE being a mom. It’s the being home all day everyday thing that’s getting to me. I think it’s a phase, but it’s where I am right now. I love the baby stage, despite it’s physical demands. I think I’ll love the older stage where I’m having better, more meaningful conversations throughout the day.

But right now? It’s hard. It’s lonely. It’s boring a lot. So I’m struggling to come here and tell you all that everything is wonderful and I deliberately choose it everyday because it’s the best thing in the world. Being a mom is the best thing in the world. Having the privilege to stay home with them is something I don’t consider lightly. I have no plans to leave the home or find other work. It’s just a hard, discouraging stage at home and sometimes I wish I was somewhere else with someone else doing anything else and talking about something other than why we shouldn’t stick our hands in the toilet.

So that’s where I’m at. Just being honest. Maybe some of you are there too. We can go grab coffee with our wild bunch in tow and have an adult conversation amidst needy interruptions. It’ll be fun. Or maybe some of you can tell me it gets better and to just hang in there? Either way, we all need each other and we can’t help each other unless we’re honest. So there ya go! Me in a nutshell!

::UPDATE:: I re-read this post and it sounded way more whiny and “down” than I had intended. This is more of an explanation for the lack of posting around here rather than commentary on how I feel everyday. I am actually doing really well emotionally, this has just been a kind of side effect of getting a break for the first time in 3.5 years and having new perspective on my day-to-day life. I have so many friends in much harder circumstances, I’m not trying to equate my troubles with their trials. Just keeping it real with you guys that domesticity doesn’t always come easy, even to me!