These past 6 months have not what been what I expected them to be. For one thing, I didn’t think I’d be pregnant. And then I certainly didn’t expect this pregnancy to have so many different challenges compared to my other two. I didn’t expect to be in need of selling our house. And then I didn’t think it’d be so hard to get it sold. I didn’t expect to have 10 doctor appointments in the next two weeks, but here we are.
Those of you who know me on social media or real life know that Parker swallowed a screw on Monday. That was rather unexpected. He was quietly playing in his room and the next thing I know I hear coughing and screaming. Then a quick trip to the ER was in order. That X-Ray was awesome. He’s fine and will probably pass it naturally, but still, it’s one more unexpected thing on a day that I didn’t think I could take any more unexpectedness.
I’m a planner by nature. Our kids have all been planned. Our choices from moving to Illinois to buying a house to what we eat on any given week have been well thought-out and planned. So these last 6 months have been surprising. Hard. Very tiring. I feel a weariness in my bones I didn’t think was possible for a 29 year old. But the craziest thing? I’m okay. Really, I am. Even with all the unexpected and unplanned, things are good. Life is good.
That’s truly unexpected. I tend to think when things don’t go according to my plan that disaster will ensue. That the painful and hard things in life will destroy me. And yet here I am. Stronger than I was two years ago. Stronger than I was 6 months ago. But not because of ease or because of my own internal strength. I am stronger because I am weak. I am so stinking weak. But God is strong and is carrying me. I look at days like yesterday and kind of laugh. I’m terribly overwhelmed and I really don’t know what the next weeks or month will hold or where we will live or how we will fit so many children in this small house if we must. But I’m still okay. Because God is the same. Even amidst the unexpected.