Perhaps the biggest struggle for stay-at-home moms is the feeling of a loss of voice. The feeling that you used to be somebody who’s opinions mattered but now you drag screaming toddlers down the street to pick up your other kid from school (true story). You used to matter to people and your counsel was sought after but now you get grilled with whys and what ifs with no real evidence that your answers were heard. You use to do important things with important people and now you spend 95% of your day wiping tushies, noses, or messes.
It was hard six years ago when I made the transition to motherhood but now it can sometimes feel stifling. Even with happy faces on the best of days I feel like a small portion of what I used to be. Yes, I know it’s a phase. Yes, I know my voice towards my kids is the most powerful one I will ever have. And yes, I’m exhausted and worn thin and sometimes not okay.
But six years into this gig I finally feel like I’m going to be okay. Not right now. Maybe not tomorrow or six months from now. But I will be ok and be heard again. One day all those needy little hands will be busy with their own lives and I’ll be me again. But I think a better me. The me that is being fashioned out of these years of feeling silenced is one that listens better, has more compassion, thinks more before she speaks, and hopefully has learned something about being a servant.
Just about every leader in the Bible had to go through a period of having no voice. Even Jesus himself. There is nothing wrong with having no voice, it’s hard, but it changes you. In a way that we all need to be changed. In a way that humbles and makes us reliant on prayer. After all, he is the one who hears us when we feel desperately unnoticed. He actively seeks us out and says it’s impossible for us to hide from him. He sees us when we are silenced and that, that is what will make my voice worth listening to in the future.
I don’t need to fight this “voiceless” phase or wish it away, I need to yield to it and let it change me. I don’t need to sugar coat it or guilt myself into thinking I’m just not being grateful enough. Motherhood is hard, wild, and wonderful. And when I’m in a new phase of life (that I can’t now imagine), I hope these little years have left their mark. That I will have learned a thing or two about compassion and service. I hope you will too.